On The Rocks

Happy Sunday to everyone! 

It's Complicated... Not

Till death do you part...

A newly married man asked his wife, ‘Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?’

‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly, ‘I’d have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!’

Girl to her boyfriend: 'One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.'
 
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'

Wife: ‘You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?’

Hubby: ‘When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.’
 
Wife: ‘You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you!’
 
Hubby: ‘Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?’

Golf or Wife

Too Many Questions

Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men.

Mary: Tell me about it! I went golfing with my husband one time, and he told me I asked too many questions!

Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask?

Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions, like, 'Why did you hit the ball into that lake?'

35 Years

A man and his friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes and bows in prayer.

His friend says, "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."

The man then replies, "Yeah. Well, we were married for 35 years."

To Switch or Not To Switch... Roles, That Is

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

'Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!'

God, in His infinite wisdom , granted the man's wish.


The next morning , sure enough , the man awoke as a woman--

He arose , cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.

He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then , it was already 1P.M.
And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust,
And sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids and
Got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and
Got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then , set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and
Snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.

At 9 P.M. ..

He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:

'Lord , I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, Oh! Please, let us trade back. Amen!'

The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, replied:

'My son , I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait 9 months... You got pregnant last night.'