1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
3. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
4. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
5. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
7. Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
8. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
9. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
10. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.