23 May, 2010

Weekend Funnies


Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts one foot in a pauses. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then she yells out, "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
 

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. She then replies, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."


When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He said, "I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
     
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
     
He said, "She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon."
     
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
     
He said, "For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love with me until the wee hours"
     
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
     
He said, "I can't remember where I live!"



Karl and Milly were lying in bed one night. Carl was falling asleep but Milly was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
     
Wearily Karl reached across, held her hand for a second, and rolled over to try to fall asleep.
     
A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
     
Mildly irritated, he leaned across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled back down to sleep.
     
Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck."
    
Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
     
"Where are you going?" she asked.
     
"To the bathroom to get my teeth," he replied.



Weekend Funnies#11
(May 21st-23rd,2010) 




10 comments:

Thom said...

ROFLMAO!!! OH remind me to get old real fast. These are just too funny. :) Thanks for sharing these :)

Sh@KiR@ CK said...

Omg...this is the best funnies for the week!
you ROCK, bing....
I can't wait to get older...
have you a great weekend!
hugs
shakira

Bing (PinkLady) said...

thom, aren't they just! LOL! :))

Bing (PinkLady) said...

shakira, i think this is what they call "aging gracefully." don't stop laughing to keep the wrinkles away. :)

Mike Golch said...

great ones,i just had a good belly laugh.

Jingle said...

wow.
love the progress and details,
you are fantastic humor writer.

quilly said...

Oh dear, given the forgetful morning I've had, I think I should be crying instead of laughing!

http://quilldancer.com/2010/05/20/weekend-funnies-bow-wow/

Bing (PinkLady) said...

mike, you just don't know how happy i am to learn that i made you laugh. :) thanks

Bing (PinkLady) said...

jingle, thank you for the compliment. i'm so glad you like the post. :)

Bing (PinkLady) said...

hi quilly, thom and i won't agree with you. don't stop smiling, ok? thanks for dropping by :)