Wedded Un(Bliss)

The following are examples of human conditions associated with marriage:

GENERAL EQUATION & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are lot more willing to die.

MEMORY

Any married man should forget his mistakes; there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION

There are two times when a man does not understand a woman -- before marriage and after marriage.

From the movie...

Manny : Buck, when exactly did you lose your mind?


Buck : Umm... 3 months ago. I woke up one morning married to a pineapple. An UGLY pineapple. (Sighs) But I loved her.