13 June, 2010

English 101 for Men and Women



WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay


WOMEN 101
 
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.  For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.  However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.



DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish..............................49
Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends
Athletic............................No boobs
Average looking.................Ugly
Beautiful...........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure..............On medication
Feminist............................Fat
Free spirit..........................Junkie
Friendship first...................Former slut
Fun..................................Annoying
Gentle..............................Dull
New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded.....................Desperate
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Poet.................................Depressive
Professional.......................Bitch
Romantic...........................Frigid
Voluptuous........................Very Fat
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker
Widow..............................Murderer


Thanks to


10 comments:

˙·٠•●❤Sh@KiR@ ❤●•٠·˙ said...

WOOOHOOOOO!
I love your edition!
I have never seen the Female Brain...LOL
thank you so much for taking the time to do this, Bing...
hope things are better for you, my love.
love you!
have you a great week!
hugs
shakira

Bing (PinkLady) said...

shakira, things are still a bit hectic here but i just couldn't let the funnies pass. you are so sweet, as always! thanks a lot =)

Jingle said...

love your funnies,
full of facts and wisdom...
Happy Sunday!

Finding Pam said...

Now that was really funny! I loved them all, but my favorite was Women 101.

Nessa said...

Very funny. Men and women are very different.

Bing (PinkLady) said...

jingle, i'm glad to have made you smile =)

Bing (PinkLady) said...

pam, i tried to downplay that one... or we might end up scaring a lot of men... LMAO! thanks for dropping by. =)

Bing (PinkLady) said...

nessa, as they say, men are from mars and women are from venus. we are that different from them. =)

Gattina said...

Hahaha ! that's so true ! I feel much more intelligent now !!

Bing (PinkLady) said...

hi gattina, i'm so happy to have made you laugh. thanks for visiting. =)