12 March, 2010

Toilet Policy


With immediate effect, a toilet policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for staff, ensuring effective time management and equal treatment for all. On the first day of every month, all staff will be issued 20 toilet trip credits which may be accumulated.

The doors to all toilets will be equipped with computer-linked voice recognition devices. Staff must immediately provide management with two voiceprints, one normal and one under stress. Once the employee's toilet trip bank reaches zero, the doors of the toilet will not unlock for the employee's voice until the first of the month.

In addition, all cubicles are to be equipped with timed paper-roll extractors. If the toilet is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds later, the roll of toilet paper will retract into the dispenser, the toilet will flush and the door will open automatically. If the toilet remains occupied, your photograph will be taken by a security camera and will appear on the Toilet Offenders Board.

Anyone appearing three times will forfeit three months' toilet trip credits. Anyone caught smiling when the photograph is taken will undergo counseling by a clinical psychologist.

Be advised that workmen's compensation insurance does not cover any injuries while trying to stop the toilet paper retracting into the dispenser.



Finding Pam said...

You are too funny! I can just imagine getting your picture taken if you stayed too long on the toilet.

Sandee said...

This is some serious bathroom rules. Yikes. Bwahahahahaha.

Have a terrific day and weekend Bing. Big hug. :)

Mike Golch said...

Man this is GRRR8!!!

Anonymous said...

LOL I've posted this on my blog a while back. I dont' know if it was for a meme or a joke but this is brilliant :) OUCH!!!!

Bing (PinkLady) said...

PAM, i'd rather resign from this workplace than have my pic taken inside a cubicle... LOL

Bing (PinkLady) said...

SANDEE and MIKE, i'm happy to make you two smile :) have a great weekend!

Bing (PinkLady) said...

THOM i didn't get this from the internet so it's definitely not a meme. it sure is an entertaining joke though. happy weekend! :)