22 February, 2010

Airline Anecdotes

Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" a bit more entertaining.

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane..."

"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

From the pilot during his welcome message:
"We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this flight...!"

"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."

"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings, it affects the flight pattern."

And, after landing:
"Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children."

"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwestern flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with his. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you and, remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines."

"Last one off the plane must clean it."

"That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault... it wasn't the pilot's fault... it wasn't the flight attendant's fault... It was the asphalt!"


Did you know that...

...the existing Gibraltar Airport is too small that its runway cuts across the city's main road, Winston Churchill Avenue?

"On busy days at present some 7 flights now arrive and depart. If the average time the road is closed for an aircraft to land or depart is 10 minutes, then on certain days the road can be closed for over two hours."


Sandee said...

Oh these are some really good ones. I love pilots with a sense of humor. They make flying much more comfortable.

Have a terrific day. Big hug. :)

Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO!!! These are just too funny. Airplane Crossing can you imagine. Thanks for giving me a great laugh to start off the day :)

Mike Golch said...

you posting will make for a Great Wacky Wednesday posting on my site.I amg going to feature this posting of yours with a link back to it.

Bing (PinkLady) said...

Sandee, Thom and Mike... i am so glad you all like this. that inspired me to go back to blogging/posting. thanks to you guys for dropping by. :)