The Perfect Woman

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison.

With that as his mission, he began searching for the perfect woman. Shortly thereafter, he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters. They positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're all lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day, the farmer asked for the man's opinion.

"Well," said the man, "She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice... pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested that the man date the other girls, so the man went out with the second girl.

The next day the farmer again asked how things went.

"Well," the man replied, "She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell... cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning, the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!"

So they were wed right away.

Months later, the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery, he was horrified- the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell... pregnant when you met her!"

Two Ladies In Heaven

1st Woman: Hi! My name is Wanda.
2nd Woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st Woman: I froze to death.
2nd Woman: How horrible!

1st Woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd Woman: I died of a massive heart attack ... I suspected that my husband was cheating so I came home early to catch him in the act. but instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st Woman: So what happened?

2nd Woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking . I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ... we'd both still be alive!



Source: Joyous L.