There's Humor In Fatherhood

Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Red Buttons

A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman he turns her back again. Enid Bagnold

A father carries pictures where his money used to be. Anonymous

The older I get, the smarter my father seems to get. Tim Russert

A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father. Gabriel Garcia Márquez

To be a successful father... there's one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don't look at it for the first two years. Ernest Hemingway 

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. Mark Twain

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards. Robert Orben

My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.  Spike Milligan

My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ! Bill Cosby