Together Forever

Oldie But Goodie

On The Rocks

Happy Sunday to everyone! 

It's Complicated... Not

Look Who's Talking...

These twin babies hit the news with their funny antics and engaging conversation. They are sooooo cute that it doesn't matter if we don't understand a word...

Life Begins At... 50?

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.

You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?

You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

 
The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down there.

You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down.

 

Weekend Funnies which is jointly hosted by 

Shakira @ You are never alone! and Gattina @ Writer's Cramps.

A Funny Wedding Photoshoot

Have A Funny Weekend

Welcome to the Weekend Funnies which is jointly hosted by 

Shakira @ You are never alone! and Gattina @ Writer's Cramps.

Happy Weekend to Everyone!!!

Stressed Out (Haiku)

Welcome to Sensational Haiku Wednesday!

This week's theme is:

Stress

trembling, shivering

don't blame your coffee's caffeine

that's you breaking down
 
teenage kids fighting
  pet doggies on a war path
please give me a break!

........................................

Jenn of You Know... that Blog? hosts Sensational Haiku Wednesday

 The basics:

Haiku is simple! It is 3 non-rhyming lines of 5, 7

, and 5 syllables respectively (a great way to use your fingers!)

Around The World (Weekend Funnies)

Here's something to perk up your lazy Sunday... have a fun ride !!!
(to the tune of the Black Eyed Peas' Pump It)

With Gattina & Shakira

Funny Friday and What's Your Dance Style

Sometimes you shouldn't believe everything that you see....

You Are Salsa Dancing

You are expressive, dramatic, and passionate. When you dance, you dance your heart out. You are outgoing and willing really put it all out there. You don't have a shy bone in your body. In fact, it's probably hard to hold yourself back from dancing. When you hear good music, you want to move. You think people need to get out of their heads more and hit the dance floor. Dancing is one of life's pure joys.

What's Your Dance Style?

Who Is The Father

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"

The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."

The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks, "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"

Again, the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says: "You."

With Gattina & Shakira

Hangover Confusion

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

 

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!"

 

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. 

 

His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"
 

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". 

 

Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
 

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes and shoes off, you said, "LADY, LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED . . . !"

 

Moral of the story:

Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – "PRICELESS "

The Jewelry Test

I saw this at Thom's blog, Thom's Place 4 Well Whatever, and tried it out. There was just one question for this quiz and the result was amazingly... well... "ME."

Why don't you try and check it out yourself?

You Are Fun

You always like to add a whimsical touch to your look. You never take yourself all that seriously. You are driven, but you aren't taking the beaten path to success. You are doing things your way. Of all the types, you are the most original and creative. You wear your uniqueness as a badge of honor. You are bright and happy. You have a lot to be optimistic about, and you have a "can do" spirit.

The Jewelry Test

  

Rock 'n Roll Fridays

Hi and welcome to Rock 'n Roll Fridays. We are like other memes in that we will ask you thirteen questions each and every Friday. But our little "twist" is that each week we will pick an singer, band, era or category and pick thirteen of their lyrics. Each of our questions will be based on the lyrics. Got it? Great! Let's begin this week's meme!

Today we picked The Monkees. The song titles are in caps. Both the titles and the lyrics are in bold. Here's Rock 'n Roll Fridays!

1. WORDS
Words that never were true. Spoken to help nobody but you. Words with lies inside, But small enough to hide 'Til your playin' was through. Ah!

What was the last white lie you told ?

"I have a meeting."

2. VALLERI
There's a girl I know who makes me feel so good. And I wouldn't live without her, even if I could. They call her Valleri. I love my Valleri.

What is your favorite “girl” name?

Louisa

3. TAKE A GIANT STEP
Remember the feeling as a child When you woke up and morning smiled It's time you felt like you did then. There's just no percentage in remembering the past It's time you learned to live again at last.

What is your favorite morning ritual?

I call it my Sunshine ritual.

4. STAR COLLECTOR She's a star collector (collector of stars) She only seems to please young celebrities. She's a star collector (collector of stars) How can I love her, when I just don't respect her?

Have you ever dreamed of a one night stand with a famous actor or musician?

Yes... who doesn't dream?

5. SOMETIME IN THE MORNING Sometime in the morning A simple thought may occur to you, And you hold her, And tell her all the things you never told her.

Are you a morning person or a night person when it comes to intimacy?

Both :D

6. SHADES OF GRAY But today there is no day or night Today there is no dark or light. Today there is no black or white, Only shades of gray.

Who gave you advice that got you into trouble when you were a kid?

My brother, sweet brother!

7. PLEASANT VALLEY SUNDAY Another Pleasant Valley Sunday Charcoal burning everywhere Rows of houses that are all the same And no one seems to care

What is your favorite Sunday activity?

Being lazy...

8. MARY MARY Mary, Mary, tell me truly What did I do to make you leave me. Whatever it was I didn't mean to, You know I never would try and hurt ya.Mary, Mary, where you goin' to?

Why did your last relationship end?

Breach of trust... big time!

9. LAST TRAIN TO CLARKSVILLE Take the last train to Clarksville, And I'll meet you at the station. You can be be there by four thirty, 'Cause I made your reservation.

What was the most desperate action you took to get together with a lover?

I'm not desperate...

10. I’M A BELIEVER Then I saw her face, now I'm a believer Not a trace of doubt in my mind. I'm in love, I'm a believer! I couldn't leave her if I tried.

Have you ever fallen in love at first site, or within a very short period of time?

At first site?

11. THEME FROM THE MONKEES We're just tryin' to be friendly, Come and watch us sing and play, We're the young generation, And we've got something to say.

What was your most irritating trait when you were a radical teenager?

Being radical!

12. CUDDLY TOY You’re not the kind of girl to tell your mother The kind of company you keep I never told you not to love no other You must of dreamed it in your sleep

What did you tell your mother (or father) that you regret telling her?

"Mom... I'm pregnant!"

13. A LITTLE BIT ME A LITTLE BIT YOU I don't want to find That I'm a little bit wrong And you're a little bit right I said girl You know that it's true It's a little bit me And it's a little bit you... too

What is the last project you worked on with another person?

A botched project... that's why I prefer to work alone...

Weekend Funnies

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing of having committed adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said: "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they have "fallen." This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well... until the priest died at a ripe, old age.

About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed concerned.

The priest said: "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said: "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."

With Gattina & Shakira.

A Senior Moment

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.

The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.

The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.

No charges were filed.

Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.

Intoxicana (Yoga and Drinking)

Research confirms that drinking gives the same benefits as yoga does...

Savasana
Position of total relaxation. 

Balasana
Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm. 

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana

This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

Marjayasana
Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column.

Halasana
Excellent for back pain and insomnia.  

Dolphin
Excellent for the shoulder area, thorax, legs, and arms. 

Salambhasana
Great exercise to stimulate the lumbar area, legs, and arms.

Malasana
This position, for ankles and back muscles. 

Pigeon
Tones the body, and builds flexibility and helps get rid of 'stress'.

So in the interest of healthy relaxation, let's start drinking!!! 

Source: Yahoo mail (Gina Tan)

Payday Friday

 A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check. When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"  He replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But , the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Attitude

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband -- who was a big burly man -- tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on."

She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I cant wear your trousers," she said.

"That's right," said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said, "I cant get into your panties!"

She replied, "That's right, and that's the way its going to stay until your attitude changes."

 Source: Jokes Gallery